We hear about it all the time - in magazines, on TV and among our friends:

Someone else has had an affair and a marriage is falling apart.

Our culture teaches that an affair is just something that happens in relationships, it's really not big deal.

When we hear about this so often, we can become a little calloused to what it really means. We're numb to the reality of promises broken, marriages crashing, kids being crushed and families coming apart.

I believe that the term "affair" contributes to the blase attitude we sometimes take. Affair sounds like an event to enjoy, as in "the party was a grand affair."

Straying outside your marriage is not an affair. It's adultery. It's really marital treason.

Few people wake up one morning and decide it's the day they are going to have an affair. These things usually start gradually and then spin out of control.

For this discussion, we are talking about a one-time affair, not the kind of relationship where people are constantly having affairs.

Since adultery is all about breaking trust, recovery is all about rebuilding trust. While rebuilding trust is possible, it can take a long time, and can require a great amount of work.

The good news is that it can be worth it, when you build a stronger relationship than you had before.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com